Lovemionline

At what point do men stop being romantic in their relationships? Why aren’t we as romantic in the beginning of our relationships as we are when we're further involved?

Some of you are either super anxious to know the answer to this question or already know the answer and are thumbing your nose at me. For the most part, the ladies who answered, whom by the way willingly gave their opinion and spared no expense at male bashing (thanks ladies, my heart felels warmer now), came to the same conclusion: we get comfortable. To paraphrase one woman in particular: “Men are all about the chase and just use romance as a means to an end.” This is true. And you know it because you’ve probably experienced this scenario. As a man, I’ve done this myself. Without it, I wouldn't be where I’m at today (married).

Before I get to the guys opinions, I will be honest with all of you. I don’t know about every other guy, but I’ve been slacking. I used to be the hopeless romantic my wife was absolutely nuts for. Now, I work, go to school, have my part time Army training once a month and, when possible, keep up with my friends and family. When I do get a moment to rest, I’m either sleeping or vegetating on the couch like a lump. Where does wifey fit in? We’re both busy individuals and to our own chagrin find it daunting to have a full day together because of our schedules. Does that mean that we shouldn’t be romantic? Absolutely not! You have to consider the expectations of real life (bills, rent, education, kids [if you have them], errands, etc.) sometimes trumps the romantic. Some of you may be crying “that’s bullshit!” while staring at your screen, but relax; it gets better. Here are some of my buddies’ opinions on the subject matter:

J. Negron Lopez  (Player)

“People usually just run out of things to say or rather, we as guys lose our drive. Our creativity to be romantic wanes with time because, to be honest, romance, real romance is not the opening the door thing or putting a jacket on your shoulders when it’s cold. Real romance is the inspiration to be creative… that is hard work to constantly be doing.  Romance breeds creativity and in turn men do incredible things, stupid and sweet… Slowly but surely men lose that creativity and run out of thing to say and things to do. When does this happen?  Whenever a guy feels comfortable in a relationship (i.e. he doesn’t have to worry about romance, he got married to her) or, when she doesn’t respond the way she used to and we become uninspired to try harder...Constant romance is simply to stay inspired. That’s my opinion.”

S. Martinez (Player)

“In my opinion, in most cases it's because we become complacent and don't strive to keep the spontaneity and communication. We take for granted what we have until we're about to lose it.”

A. Ferrari (Hubby)

“…Back in the day when couples decided to be exclusive, life expectancy for men was 35 you were with a female for a few years n bang you were dead. Point in case is that we didn’t have time to get bored of each other. Now, its lobster every night for dinner for 50-60 years.”

Ultimately, ladies and gentleman, it boils down to a few things: 1. Are you in courtship mode? Because if you are, ride the wave of dinner, gifts, and romance and great sex till the wheels fall off and be happy to have had the experience. 2. If you are in long term relationship mode, fit romantic interludes where you can and if it seems almost impossible, break a rule somewhere and make time (especially if they’re worth it). 3. If you are in married mode, see #2.

I hope this helps or clarifies things for some of you out there. What’s your opinion? Leave a comment below.

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Angie   |2009-11-04 19:07:40 Nice article. Wish it was longer but I guess these articles are meant to be short. I like J. Negron's comment. I guess this is a player vs hubby article but I would have liked to hear more feedback from women (single vs married) and more specifically what they think "romance" is, because as Negron said it's not abt holding the door open anymore. In addition, it would have been nice to give a paragraph just to advice. One shouldn't have to tell someone how to be romantic but it's nice to offer suggestions. My suggestion for married couples (especially those with kids) is to have regular date nights (and not the same thing all the time). Variety is the spice of life, so when u realize ur stuck in a dull routine, change it up and not only will u get the spice, u'll get the romance. Second suggestion for all couples is to maintain communication, and it's nice to leave notes in hidden places/lunch boxes/briefcases/purses/wallets, write poems, send cards, etc. Third suggestion, that coincides with the first n second, is to be suprising. Being suprised with a gift, or action, or words makes our adrenaline pump and hence we (I) consider that romantic. Romance isn't just abt sweetness. To me it's about appreciation and rediscover-ation of the person we are with. Lastly, Martinez's comment is on point. Complacency happens, and Romance may seem like "work", but with the rate of infidelity and divorce, and for your own personal happiness, wouldn't u want to try...and what may seem like an effort now may one day just come naturally ......after much practice ;) Reply 0 0

Sujeiry  - Great suggestions!   |2009-11-04 19:24:21 Angie, You're suggestions were an added bonus. I also agree with you that we always have to spice things up. Martinez definitely was on point and so was Gonzo in admitting that life and reality happens and we just stop trying. It even happens with familial relationships and friendships. We stop calling, hanging out, forget bdays and dont reach out just because. And think, overall, people are just really caught up in the hustle of life. I am struggling with this because I am sooo busy. But I guess the first step is to become aware that you are slacking and loosing focus on your relationship. From there you can do the little things everyone suggests... P.S I love your created word: rediscover-ation lol. Reply 0 0

Alma Luz  - Hmm, tough topic   |2009-11-04 08:07:14 Great topic and everything you've said is so true. LIFE, as I like to say it, HAPPENS! However, I firmly believe that one should NEVER lose seight of what we have or what got us there. Recently, I was looking @ some old pics of da hubby and I and I cracked up with the silly stuff that we used to do. And you know what, it made me really miss that and think that we needed to do more silly stuff. It prompted me to upload two silly videos on FB so that when i have those argh moments, I can be reminded that underneath the stresses of life, there is a beautiful thing called LOVE that brought us 2gether. And I sure dont ever want to lose seight of that. Thanks for the male insight! ;-) Reply 0 0

irene  - j negron got it right   |2009-11-04 02:03:04 i agree with j negron lopez. there has to e inspiration. thats why there is romance int eh beginning, the guy is inspired by the woman and the chase. but after it is exclusive, i think romance should work both ways. Reply 0 0

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